exactly a year ago, we found out we were pregnant! it was a long time coming and totally caught us off guard in the end. it really seems like forever and a day ago. our lives were forever changed that august morning! i’m hoping for a date night in our near future, even if only to reminisce on the past year. any exciting plans for your weekend?

everyone is always questioning what i do all day. besides feeding and changing little lo around the clock, we actually do find time for quite a lot…8:00am up and at ’em, 9:00am breakfast, 10:00am bath, 11:00am quick snooze while the big kids eat, 12:00pm lunch, 1:00pm questioning the european souvenirs brought home from nana, 2:00pm playing with friends, 3:00pm afternoon snack, 4:00pm nap, 5:00pm hanging with great grammy at a family birthday party, 6:00pm dinner, 7:00 crashed for the night. or something like that anyway.

if you don’t already know, i absolutely hate change. i welcome it with open arms but it throws me for a loop every time. i’m a creature of habit. and welcoming a mini human into our lives definitely shook things up and took awhile getting used to. on top of those initial first weeks battling the postpartum baby blues, i yearned for the comfort of my independent life pre baby. and just as i started to feel confident in my new role as mama/housewife, the real world lurked my return right around the corner and the anxiety of changing things up yet again started to get the best of me. as much as i wanted to become part of an adult society again, i had horrible guilt of leaving my mini behind to be someone else’s daily responsibility. my heart was heavy that last week home, and that first kiss goodbye hurt like hell…but when I stepped off the train into the hectic city streets that Monday morning, i felt a certain peace that this is where I’m supposed to be. it was as if i had never left and the comforts of ‘home’ all came flooding back. i knew it’d take time, but the balance that this change has brought on feels amazing. im able to be creative by day and nurturing by night, and fortunately able to break up the rhythm with a day spent crushing on that adorably chubby babe that still remembers my role. it felt like forever, but i embraced it as best i knew how and it seems to have all worked out in the end. it’s good to be ME again!

photo by arte vitae

my heart is heavy this week. it’s been three months and the real world awaits my return come monday. i have fallen madly in love with my girl logan, and while there’s a part of me that looks forward to returning to the professional world, there’s a bigger ache that i’ll lose my place as this little girls favorite. i want to be the one to crush on her when she wakes up, hear her first giggle, witness her roll over, comfort her cries and sway her to sleep…be her one and only. i’d do anything to rewind our never ending days together and savor all those moments a little harder all over again. come monday, while i day dream about her all day, i hope she’s saving her smiles for my return.